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By Jalen Senal
“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” - Lucius Annaeus Seneca.
Despair was created within our own minds. Every day seems to be a never-ending labyrinth of challenges and battles and for us, we are the main characters. We scrutinize inside thoughts with outer movements. Humans, as social beings depend on other human beings similar to ourselves who also live in the notion that they are the main character as well. We are trained to respond to the outside stimulus that orbits around our little world. And when people get disrespectful towards you, it is easy to get frustrated about it. We get offended by others' opinions about us despite knowing, most of the time, it’s not the truth. What do you think will happen if we learn not to take anything personally? Is it possible to not be offended by someone’s perception?
People differ in beliefs as well as upholding their individual truths. It is inevitable to meet someone that is against your political stand. We must accept things that way. We are not perceiving the world with the same lenses as the other.
According to Oxford Languages, taking something personally means, “interpret a remark or action as directed against oneself and be upset or offended by it, even if that was not the speaker's intention.” In stoicism it was taught that in order to be offended we must put ourselves in the place of being offended. It is our choice to be offended or not. We have the power to control our inner thoughts and it is more powerful than having the ability to manipulate outside actions. It is, however, difficult to not take anything personally. Other people's criticism and remarks will always matter because we give importance to them. Do other people’s judgement matter? It is emotionally draining to immerse ourselves into these kinds of situations. According to Forbes, “There's a difference between being reflective and constantly taking slights personally, one is productive and lends itself to self-improvement, the other is the opposite.”
If a person told us that we look stupid, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we do look stupid, it’s not you, it’s them. But if we took things personally, we are only admitting that we do look stupid. You are probably believing that you are what others say you are. This kind of external happening must be internalized. And the product of your internalization will determine your response. You can either internalize things in a positive or negative way. You take things personally when you personally come to an agreement of what was stated. Even the most negative and harsh insult has nothing to do with you but with the other person. Learn to differentiate the things we have influence over and what not. We always think that all things around us are always about us. In reality we all have our own version of what’s true and genuine. We apply meaning to the words given to us. It is in our power to give definition and worth to those words, regardless of being good or bad. Instead of taking it personally, we can take it as feedback that can help us to get better. We defend our beliefs when we are offended and it creates conflict. Ego takes over and strives to be right. It is always important to be in control and not be driven by sudden emotional drive, stop and reflect for a second.
If you won’t take their advice, don’t listen to their criticisms. Easier said than done. It’ll take a lot of time to practice, but it’ll save you from a thousand heartbreaks and disappointments. According to the stoic philosopher Epictetus, “When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.” While Marcus Aurelius urges us to be compassionate towards those who have done harm to us whether in words or in action. When people injure us, we must first understand why they have done such things. And you’ll find yourself sympathizing with them rather than being outraged or in anger. When we take things personally, we give other people permission to upset us. You put other people in power over your thoughts and emotions. Always look inward. We can’t control anything but ourselves and our responses. Turn insults into or criticism in a constructive way. You must realize that you can’t please everybody, you are not defined by your mistakes, and your self-worth depends on you.
Upon achieving sovereignty over your mental and psychological self you’ll start to be more accepting and open towards other people’s perception of you. Choose where to invest your energy and it’ll help you in the long run. Transform rejection into self-acceptance. We should probably learn how to sort things that are within our control and let go of what’s beyond it.
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